The Miss Harriet named after memories of a defiant three years old Hattie. Pictire from University of British Columbia collection
By Jeremy Miles
When I first met my lovely wife Hattie I was surprised to learn that there was a deep sea trawler fishing for salmon off the Pacific coast of British Columbia that had been named after her.
It’s not the kind of thing you expect to hear from a girl who grew up on a farm in rural Kent. Gradually I learned the full story and it was fascinating.
The 40-foot boat had been built by her Uncle John, a WWII veteran who became disillusioned with Britain after returning from distinguished Naval service to find a country that had little to offer. He emigrated to Canada in the 1950s and established a fishing business on Vancouver Island,
The Miss Harriet wheelhouse portrait
By the early 1960s he needed a boat that he could rely on for lengthy lone trips out into the ocean often over several days. He decided to name it the Miss Harriet after the little niece he remembered from his only visit back to the UK in 1956. He had been impressed that the then three-year-old Hattie had stubbornly refused to eat her bowl of porridge one morning. She had been defiant to the last and her mum (John’s sister) finally gave in.
John would later explain that such determination, stubbornness and tenacity were exactly the qualities you needed while fishing in the sometimes hazardous waters of the Pacific.
The Miss Harriet was launched in 1962 and for the next 40 years was a familiar sight sailing out of Nanaimo. In pride of place in the wheelhouse was a hand-coloured photographic portrait sent by John’s inspirational young niece.
After he died in 2000 that same original picture was returned to us. I found myself glancing at it with an eyebrow raised just the other day when, while listening to a radio report about kids who are fussy eaters, Hattie announced rather grandly that she had never been picky about food as a child.
A bit of a brouhaha erupted earlier this week when TV presenter Kirstie Allsopp revealed that she had allowed her 15-year-old son and his 16-year-old friend to spend the school holidays inter-railing around Europe.
In a post on X – formerly Twitter – she proudly announced: “My little boy has returned from three weeks inter-railing, he’ll be 16 on Wednesday so he went with a mate who’s already 16 due to hostel/travel restrictions, but they organised the whole thing; Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich, Marseille, Toulouse, Barcelona & Madrid,”
It sparked an avalanche of comments, newspaper columns, interviews and endless opinion pieces. A significant number of parents agreed with Allsopp’s argument that in our increasingly risk-averse world we need to learn to trust our children and allow them the kind of freedoms that will give them confidence. After all the opportunity to acquire a sense of independence was common for young people just a few short decades ago.
Now many are reaching young adulthood without the real-life experiences that equipped previous generations for future work, travel and family life. Today many teens are good on theory, thanks to the internet providing information about everything, but sadly lack the practical skills and experience that used to be a normal part of growing up.
Kids are often isolated from perceived danger by parents who are terrified that they will come to harm but while being protective is both natural and responsible this is an instinct that in some cases is getting out of hand. Perhaps we need to rationalise our fears and encourage our teenage children to enjoy a little more freedom.
There were plenty of commentators responding to the Allsopp post who implied it was both dangerous and reckless to let young(ish) teenagers loose on the world unsupervised. But what are the dangers? Robbery or attack come top of the list but the reality is that even in our seemingly lawless world, our fear of crime is far greater than the actual risk.
It is perhaps not surprisng that the Location, Location, Location presenter’s wealth, background and position of social privilege has been cited as a factor that sets her and her family apart from ordinary people
One woman told Allsopp that if a couple on a council estate had left a 15 and 16 year old home alone for that amount of time “they would be arrested for neglect” She added: “You live in a different world, 15 is not responsible and nor is 16, you can lie to yourself…but we live in the here and now.”
A little over the top perhaps but the class issue is not entirely irrelevent. Kirstie Allsopp does come from a privileged background She is the public school educated, Hampstead dwelling daughter of the former Christie’s chairman Charles Allsopp, 6th Baron of Hindlip no less. As such she enjoys the kind of money and connections that allow her to indulge her children in ways that are out of reach for many ordinary families. Those indulgences of course include being able to give them adventures and experiences that widen their horizons.
Allsopp, is well-versed in the art of controversy and almost certainly knew what effect her post would be likely to have, although I suspect even she was surprised at the level of polarised opinion.
Speaking persoanlly I can see both sides of the argument. We live in an increasingly dangerous world and if I had teenage children I’d probably also be tempted to be rather over-protective. But at what cost? Our society is denying many children the opportunity to learn vital life-skills and become self-reliant. It does not prepare them well for the future.
One of the best things about my childhood in the 1950s and 60s was that a grew up in an era when kids were just allowed to get on with their lives. I nearly always walked or rode my bicycle to school, a two mile journey that took me across common land that offered trees to climb, ponds with tadpoles to catch in jars and endless adventures with school friends. At weekends we were out playing for hours. Nothing bad ever happened to any of us. My parents didn’t worry. They knew I’d come home when I was hungry.
At 13 I was going to Scouts and often walking home in the dark. At 15 I was discovering coffee bars and taking myself to gigs including The Rolling Stones, The Yardbirds, Ike and Tina Turner. Then when I was 16 my mum and dad moved abroad for work and sent me to live with grandparents while I finished my exams.
My grandmother and grandfather were lovely people but they were elderly and had no understanding or interest in trying to replicate any form of parental control. I was a completely free agent. I tried to rebel but no one seemed to notice. I hitch-hiked to CND marches and sometimes slept on the beach but whatever wild tale I returned with, my granny would just smile and make me breakfast. I learnt a lot about survival and navigating my way through life. I was very lucky
At the age of just 17 I spent the school summer holidays with my mum and dad catching a train to London and a bus to the airport before flying on my own to Hong Kong. In those days it was a very long flight indeed and included stops in Italy, Tehran, Pakistan and Thailand. I don’t remember being nervous. It was a fascinating experience and gave me what I later realised was a brilliant grounding for a life that has included much international travel.
Of course like most 17-year-olds I still had much to learn. That first trip to Hong Kong saw me arriving in the steam-heat of the colony’s Kai Tak airport carrying a suitcase containing a gift for my parents – a couple of pounds of sausages from their favourite pork butcher in Kent. The bangers had not fared well on their long and decidely unsuitable journey and had to be quietly disposed of.
I am not of course so naive as to think that any of this would be likely to happen today. The world is a far more dangerous place and for a generation bombarded by social media full of wild rumours, disinformation and conspiracy theories, it must be terrifying.
Through the endless repetition of every bad news story I am afeaid we are creating and fuelling a growing sense of paranoia and becoming panicked by the 24/7 hamster-wheel of nightmares trotted out on our news feeds. It’s very unhealthy and it’s making us over-protective.
We somehow need to find a way of detaching ourselves and our children from this digital darkness. We are right to worry but perhaps we worry a little too much.
